Have you ever thought about why you behave in a certain way? Why it’s so hard to change that? Well…. it’s because you were thought to behave and even think like that.
It’s difficult to wake up the next day and be a totally different person. From a very early age, you were told to do things the way a person thought they should be done.
Here’s the hard truth. You were programmed to behave and think the way you do. Not all of that is bad or wrong. I believe that a part of it is not who you really are. And you’re right if you wanna change that.
Let’ get more into what being programmed means. Let’s say you are an adult who was growing up in a very patriarchal environment. Men were the “authority figure” in almost every aspect of the society. You learned that you have to listen to them, even fear them, serve them.
Now let’s add some more layers to that to make it “worse” (you’ll get the bigger picture later). Besides that, you also grew up in a family where you saw violence, emotional and psychological abuse. (yeah, I used “abuse”, some people still think there’s no such thing or that it’s not allowed to talk about it).
Let’s say the woman was the victim. So there you are, the girl who sees how a woman is treated. You’re called names, critiqued for going out, seeing your relatives, talking to friends, having a job, laughing too loud… The food you cook is not perfect, the house is not cleaned, the kids are not well looked after. You’re pushed, slapped, thrown things at… . You get a divorced, you’re judged for it, not believed, excluded from church… (I guess you got it).
You’re seeing all of that as a little girl who’s becoming a woman. Now, guess what? How do you think she will behave and think (even subconsciously)? She might dream of the prince coming to save her. Then she will hate men, stay away from them or engage with them and end up in a big mess.
This woman won’t trust men, thinks she won’t find someone to really love and respect her. She has to do everything perfect. She obeys every rule, is hard on herself, barely ever saying no. She’s full of guilt, shame and low self-esteem.
Voila! You have a woman now who’s been taught her worth is below the man’s. That she has to be nice to be liked and soft. She will chase men to be validated. She will think her safety is given by a man and her life goal is to “find the man“.
My dear, you don’t have to follow that blindly now. You can rebuild yourself. You had no choice before. You have a choice NOW. Nobody should tell you as an adult what to choose for yourself. And when you understand that YOU have power over your life and mindset, then the game is changing.
How? You create boundaries. You protect your peace. You create safety for yourself. You take care of yourself and unlearn unnecessary stuff. You set the rules for the game. Because it’s YOUR LIFE, YOUR BRAIN and YOUR BODY. You decide what you do with them. Not a man, not the extremist religious manipulation, not even your family!
But for that you have to LOVE YOURSELF. You have your own validation and care, you put you first and plan things for your life. Otherwise, others will control and tell you how to live your life. You have the right to freedom, to your own voice and will.
Don’t let people make you feel like you are bad or wrong for wanting different and knowing about destructive behavior. Knowledge is power, you being aware of the damage is a step forward. You are reclaiming your value and taking your space, that’s the ‘normal’.
And when you know that, you won’t keep your head down around men. You won’t feel powerless or the need to be nice to everybody. You will see the others as equals, because nobody is worth more than you. You’ll have confidence because you have self-control and nobody can get a reaction from you if you protect your energy.
What I can recommend you to work on this is to be mindful of your time, hobbies, health and plans. Choose your people and habits wisely. Read books on self-development and self-care. Listen to podcasts and music that inspire you to become someone you’re proud of. Be excited about your life, little things that make you happy.
Don’t forget that you’ve always been enough and that you deserve love, respect, and kindness. You deserve to be seen and heard. Who says otherwise is a person who’s narcissistic, full of egoism, manipulator and we don’t deal with negative people.
Feel free to share your story with me in the comment section below. I am sure there are so many women out there with great lessons to inspire us.
INSIDE HER HEAD 
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