First of all, I want you to know that I’m not judging you. This is nothing to feel ashamed of, but to understand.

A situationship is a kind of sexual (emotional) relationship with someone without being in love, usually on a short-term period.

Here are some of the reasons why a woman might find herself into a situationship:

1. He pretends to be your friend. Keeping things cool until one day when he wants to actually sleep with you. Maybe you really believed him and shared personal things with him, but that only got you in troubles. You become emotionally attached to him. This can lead to attraction. When you’re already that far you will put up with his terms. You’re protecting yourself when you don’t share intimate details and avoid spending time with him at home. Also take things slow when you meet someone, don’t rush in sharing everything about your life. Time shows someone’s real intentions.
2. You have low self-esteem. Maybe this was your first relationship, so basically your first sexual experience which can have a big impact on you. When your intentions are pure and you’re still in your naive era, that hits differently. You don’t have enough experience and you don’t trust yourself enough to listen to your gut. You can have a great amount of self-worth, but still too entangled in it to see what is really happening.
3. You hear his words and see his actions, but you don’t really go deep into their meaning. And that’s because you’re overwhelmed by the intimacy that it’s way too soon and intense. It messes up with your rational thinking. He tells you that he’s not ready for a relationship, that you deserve better. You feel compassion, try to understand him and it might seem like a compliment. Well, that actually means he doesn’t want a relationship, he won’t treat you the way you deserve. He is making you responsible for it if you continue. Most of us will, because we’re already hooked up on it. It’s the confusion and the uncertainty that keeps you going for more.
4. You think the connection is worth keeping. Of course this happens after you feel emotionally attached to someone and physically involved. You share your traumas, dreams, vulnerabilities, fears, your body, time. You’re already used to the comfort and affection that many struggle to have. Maybe there was a long time you didn’t feel so close to someone. All of these make it difficult to end it.
5. Trauma keeps you stuck and blinds you. It’s a feeling of helplessness and a freezing mode. You feel like you can’t walk away from it. It’s not that you don’t know it, but you can’t accept it. You feel the pain of not being chosen and cherished, but that pain is like a magnet. It’s familiar, because you felt that when you were a child. You learned to close your eyes to disrespect and dysfunctional behavior. To wait and hope for change when you should distance yourself from it. Maybe you’re a people-pleaser, always acting nice to people that don’t deserve it. You might be used to emotional immature people, so you don’t recognize it.
6. Depression and mental health also play a role in it. You’re most prone to it when you’re struggling with the difficulties in your life. When loneliness feels heavy. When you don’t prioritize your needs and when you don’t face yourself, your wounds, your pain. When you let your happiness depend on others, you gave up your power and peace. It is in that vulnerable place that you give second chances and get trapped in it again.

In the modern days, this type of relationship is considered normal and even harmless. It’s your choice. There are consequences for your mental state even if people claim that it’s fine. There is confusion, low self-esteem and self-respect. It causes overthinking, constantly decoding the real meaning of his words and actions, anxiety, tiredness, sadness, regret. You go through self-abandonment, humiliation. begging, breaking your boundaries, feeling unsafe and sick.

It might work better for men that are not serious about relationships and commitment. It’s for those that only want the fun part, but not the responsibility and facing the struggles. The price a person pays for it’s too big and it’s not worth it.

When someone makes you feel confused, when you hear those words, when it’s too intense to be true, think twice. Better to stay away, than to regret it later. And if you already experienced it, learn from it and focus on your growth. Because the fact that you accepted it, it’s not a coincidence. It’s because some wounds and traumas were not taken care of and processed.

It’s not your fault, but is our responsibility to make a choice for ourselves. You have to save yourself. Nobody is going to make the changes you need to make for your growth and health. Don’t settle for less and wish for the best for you. You deserve love and respect.

Your happiness is your responsibility, a person adds to it. So don’t rely on that. Take care of you.